Tales of the Parodyverse

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A.J.A.
Tue Oct 11, 2005 at 01:38:22 pm EDT
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Bang. Bang. Your Dead!
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It was a dark & storm night. But, like many things in this sort of poorly written Film Noireque parody, it always is. The city is in a perpetual night, it may because of the narrative strand generator Mayor Bloatsburg had put in last month. Sure, everything is all atmospheric & cool like that but it's killing all the plants in the city! Plus, the city has seemed to revert back to the 1930's.

My name is Arnold J. Armbruster, with this recon I'm a private Dick (I'm also sorta public one at sometimes, too!) but before that I was a lawyer. A good one, too! I could have been the Lair Legion's Lawyer if it wasn't for they already had & my massive drinking problem. But, I guess being a detective fits more with this narrative, so I'll go with it.

I was just minding my own business in my dimly lit office & then she walked into the office. She made it hard to think about anything. All the blood was rushing down to my lower body. Plus, once she got close enough to me, she started to choke me. How was I to know that the guy I just put in jail for the murder of the Police Chief was her husband? As Mrs. Mulvain was choking me with her expensive knock off purse, I started to think "Why didn't Snookie stop this crazy broad from letting her into my office?"

A few minutes later, I blurted out two words that made her stop "Sexual Harassment." She being a woman originally from the 2000's, she knew what that meant & stopped choking me.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Armbruster. I guess I just got caught up in the moment." Mrs. Mulvain said. She was wearing all the finest 1930's-esque clothes that she had. But, the clothes may have had the '30's look to them but were certainly from the later half of the 20th century because no self-respecting woman in high society would go out looking like it. She looks sort of like Paris Hilton with some class & not so slutty.

I rubbed my neck & asked. "What can I do you for, Mrs. Mulvain?"

"How do you know my name?" she asked as I sat down at my desk.

I could have told her that I'm the one actually writing this, but that would have gotten a little to Meta-Textual her, so I just told her I recognized her from when I was trailing her husband: "Big Bad Voodoo" Sherman Mulvain. She believed me, they always do.

Her husband was head of the City's Community Outreach program before the recon. Now, Sherman was head of the Water Commission for some reason. Why Sherman has the nickname of "Big Bad Voodoo": I don't know. Another thing I don't know is why he killed the Police Chief? At the moment, I had no way of connecting the two other then Sherman had the blood of the chief all over his person & he was the last person to see the Chief alive before he died.

"Getting back to your question: You can help me free my Shermy Wormy?" Mrs. Mulvain said & as she did that, she leaned over on to my desk so I could get the full affect of her cleavage.

As I staired into those two plump, round orbs protruding out of her low cut dress: I thought about all the pro's & cons of this case. Then, once she slapped me for staring a little to long at them, I gave my answer.

"Sure. Why not? Conflict of interest, Shmonflict of Schminterest!" I said with a smile.

"Thank you. Now, what do I own you?" She said as he pulled out a fancy looking pen & her checkbook. The casing was alligator.

I pointed to the sign on the wall, right between the Betty Grabble Poster & the wanted poster for German war criminal: Baron Ockbar Zemo. "It's a base hundred dollars to take the job & another hundred for each day after. If we get good leads that lead somewhere, it's another Two hundred. Then, if the case goes to trail & you get any money from it: we get some of it, too."

"That sounds reasonable." Mrs. Mulvain said as she wrote out the check to Mr. Armbruster for one hundred dollars.

She handed it to me & we said our goodbyes. Then, she left. After that my secretary, Snookie, came into talk. "So, how do you like this Recon?"

I looked her over, Snookie was dressed in a Flapper/Tomboy mix with just a hint that she was Asian. The look suited her.

"It's ok. I wonder if anyone else was affected?"

"Just look outside?" She said with a smirk.

"I knew that. I walked here from my ratty apartment. But, I meant anyone beyond this city?"

"I'm not sure. I guess we'll find out in later installments."

"I guess we will" I said & then started to go over the case. Snookie then left do other stuff.

TO BE CONTINUED...


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